I rushed to see my doctor the following Monday for blood tests. I became crippled with fear as the majority of them later updated that they had miscarried. So many women had posted similar questions about positive pregnancy test lines growing dim. As I read message boards on Baby Center, I was disheartened. I did what any worry-wart does and frantically searched Google for reassurance, although I know that Google is rarely comforting. I bought them because I wanted added confirmation that I was, indeed, pregnant.īut each time I took a test over the weekend, the positive line became fainter. We rejoiced and then I rushed out and spent enough money on pregnancy tests to buy a fully-loaded Kia. I eagerly told my husband and children, in the form of a short poem that I had written months ago for the very occasion. When I stared down at the faint positive sign on the pregnancy test last week, I was ecstatic, to say the least. And I know that He will grant my family the desires of our hearts. I have to believe that the overwhelming desire to have a third baby was placed within me by Almighty God. But I cannot deny the strong urge within me to have another child. Yes, we have two absolutely beautiful, precious children, who we love unconditionally.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that my husband and I have been trying to conceive for a very long time now. I just decided moments earlier to publically disclose my latest storm- while I’m in the very midst of the downpour- and I’m certainly not doing it for pity.įor I’m learning there is really no pity to be gained from this storm. If I don’t share it at all, I somehow feel cheated–not from people’s pity–but from the missed prayers and encouragement that I could have received.Īnd I truly believe that prayer and encouragement make the most powerful umbrella for weathering storms. If I make known the details of my hardship too soon, I feel that people will interpret it as me wanting pity or attention. When these storms come, for me, it’s difficult to know if and when I should share my grief with others. Other times they can appear as quickly as the sudden summer shower that causes us to haphazardly throw all our crap in the beach bag and scurry for the hotel. Sometimes, like radar, we see them ominously approaching.

Fulfillment susannah flood